I can’t tell you the amounts of time I heard someone say in the LGBTQ community “well, that isn’t the type that I go for” or “he really isn’t my type, so I’m not attracted” or even “he is nice and has everything thing I’m looking for in person, but he isn’t my type”. The gay community today really has no clue what they want, can’t say the same about the lesbian community because there is actually a level of longevity and focus on building a relationship that exists. So, what is the problem with us gay men? And why are we so stuck on “my type”. First of all, if your “type” was remotely good for you then you probably wouldn’t be single- right or wrong? So how about you stop chasing your type before you end up missing out on your soul mate. This is overly annoying to continue to hear. It should be as clear as day, for the average mind to see that pursing your type just isn’t working for you.
We recently had a workshop in October, Titled: The Elements of Dating- Longevity and Communication. The panel consisted of married couples within the LGBT community who gave testament of what it’s like to be with someone, grow with them and then to marry that person. We wanted single people to see that there are certain obstacles you have to get over or get past in order to get to the final results of what we are looking for.
I understand, some of us want “swag” as opposed to “class,” and I understand that some people may like the tattoos and the abs, biceps and beautiful legs. I like to tell my clients that walk into the D8able office, a penis is to be played with, you don’t marry it. So, with that being the case, why do we place this huge focus on the sexual attraction? Which won’t last as long!
How about you look for someone that you can laugh with, converse about common interests, and just feel comfortable being in their presence. Why has that become hard to do?
How does one leave the mindset of the superficial and vain types? How about we start planning for the future as we begin to pick our mates and lifelong partners. Ask yourself these questions,
- Can you guys have a conversation?
- What else does he bring to the table?
- In 5 or so years when the sex slows down, what else is left?
- What is the base/foundation of your relationship?