I have sat in deep thought very recently trying to figure out the psychology of the Big City Gay and what it means. From that I decided to create a series, because getting all of this in one column just isn’t possible.
Let’s start with questions.
1. Is it ok to be 30 something and not to have your life figured out?
2. Is it ok to be 35+ and in the club every weekend?
3. What about going to sex parties, but still wanting to be husband material?
4. Can I be over the age of 30, posting half naked pictures all the time on social media just to get a complement?
5. What about being 30+ and still making weekly clinic stops?
You would think these questions would come with very easy answers, but this seems to be something the gay community struggles with. We want to be adults and be taken seriously, but when do you first take yourself as such.
Husband Material or Not?
Someone who identifies as ‘husband material’ is someone who knows what he is looking for. At first I would say “I want to date someone older than me” in hopes that this person would have his shit together. He may have a successful career, live on his own, have a savings account, and own a suit, just something! But living in New York, I see that the standard has changed or maybe it has never existed. People here seem to want the guy with “swag” and over 100,000 followers on Instagram… Where did this come from? And how in the hell did that happen?…
I think the first step would be to speak to an actual husband and see what the behavior of one actually is. Learn how they got past a lot of the superficial actions and independence issues we all face when meeting someone.
Top/Top vs Bottom/Bottom:
Do we still ask these questions?
I have sat in a few conversations trying to figure this out, I thought as we got older our minds would expand, not shrink smaller into the box of our own comfort zone. I have an associate who is a bottom and he came into my
office because he wanted to be matched with the love of his life. He gave me his checklist that he deemed a must-have in his potential partner, along with his mountain of deal breakers. He finally told me that this person could in no way be a versatile bottom let alone a full bottom. I was confused because he is 35 years old, alone and not very people oriented
and looking for “love”. I stepped in where I could, only to learn that the psychological behavior of an individual is very much so predicated from his environment, meaning, when you hang around people that think in the same box or on the same “not so advanced level” then that doesn’t leave much room for development.
Once again, falling for the position only because you have limited yourself (I’ll brace for the backfire on that statement later) is something that we should be finished with well into our 30’s.
Big Dick, YES! … Small dick, NO!
Now this part might sound a little silly to most, but this is a real thing… Some people actually miss out on potential lovers and soulmates due to the size of his dick. What I find even more surprising is that, it’s not the 20 somethings that are mainly the ones thinking like this, but rather those that should honestly know better. Like I say to my clients, “A penis is to played with you, you don’t marry it”. So with that being said, why are we still placing this superficial standard in our relationships with those that we are dating? Especially after the age of 30? Some might say “Well isn’t sexual attractions important?” Yes it is, but by this age, dick size should not be the driving force of what makes us take ourselves off the market for someone… I’m not calling you a hoe, you are just exhibiting some hoe like tendencies.
I’m sure by now we have all noticed that we are getting older, gaining more responsibility and what not. I have been asking myself a few questions recently while living in New York, and I wonder if anyone else is asking themselves. One of those questions is, when am I considered too old to be doing certain things?
To be continued. . .